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My spouse carried on an extramarital relationship between appointments at the office, whilst "working late," then when attending seminars for 9 months before she begun gettinh together with her lover with my daughters present. The girls began to talk about "John" and then I found out. After some failed marital counseling, we split up. In just a week, my youngest child (4 at that time) started stating that John was always at the home and that "John and mom are going to get married." We had been mediating a negotiation right at that moment, therefore i requested a "no contact" clause to offer my kids a chance to get used to the concept of the family splitting up before suffering a live-in partner. I won the terms, however it p___d my wife off. Shortly thereafter there had been accusations of uncommon behavior. Naturally, issues went down from there, but thanks to a whole lot of tough work I managed to acquire joint custody (although I need to see my daughters only under oversight until God knows when). The point of all this is that you must be really careful--anything can take place when custody is at stake. Some other than that, the very first thing you really should take into consideration is whether or not your state is a "no fault" divorce state. If so, the judge is barred from contemplating marital misconduct in reaching a decision (although you may still try to prejudice him/her together with your story, I suppose). In general, I believe joint custody is preferable to sole custody, simply for the reason that the children want two parents; unless, of course, your spouse's behavior could be harmful in some way. Do you know what your spouse is planning to ask for? Are you getting along well sufficient that you could mediate a mutually agreeable parenting plan? I think a lot of what you do will rely upon your spouse's demands. Hang in there, and for the sake of your child, constantly maintain his or her most effective interests in mind (despite your feelings about your soon-to-be ex). Incidentally, last nite I had 5 unique phone calls from people who I know either locally or via the Net who are going by means of divorces who have had false allegations thrown at them---absolutely remarkable. I think that Palehorse's book on custody evaluations is really a wonderful tool and I would likewise suggest that we would be wise to do some writing(maybe it has been accomplished?) on how to deal with false allegations.....preparing for something like this is sad but probably required. What do you would like out of your divorce? In additional words, what precisely are you shooting for in terms of custody/child support/etc...? *YOU* ought to first answer these questions, as the Father. From there, we can talk about suggestions to go about it. What I mean is take some serious time to yourself and consider the best arrangement for your kid, with out regard to regardless of whether or not it is feasable (aside from unwarranted hopes of reconcilliation - don't beat yourself up over that one!). That gives you a starting point. Then, you've to throw in reality and commence moving to the thing you really ask for.
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