Becoming a Parent and Your Relationship-00-6890

“By the time the baby arrives, we will have read all the books, got all the online tips and we will have taken plenty advice from family and friends. However, even with all the arrangements in place the realities of parenting can be overwhelming.

When Luke and I became parents for the first time we knew that there were going to be sleepless nights at least for the first couple of weeks. We were geared up for it and our relationship would suffice. However Luke very soon became tired of getting up at two, he became irritable and jealous that I was not spending enough time with him; he told me that he needed to get away from it all.

I was left to look after Joel on my own for four months, inwardly hating what he had done to our relationship. I started feeling bad about the way I looked, I had bad saggy eyes from the lack of sleep, I had put on weight, and I wasn’t looking after myself let alone the baby. The whole situation became overwhelming for me. However when Joel was six months I began to enjoy my moments with him. Luke decided that he had had the time off he needed and that he was ready to play his role as Father again.

Together we started to recognise that with baby Joel we were now family. The quality of our relationship as parents has since grown stronger and we are both delighted to provide a stable, emotional environment for our baby to grow”.

However not all of us are lucky enough to rise above these experiences and come out feeling secure as a couple. We may often wonder how we can determine a disposition of a good quality relationship especially when having a baby.

A safe antidote to always bear in mind is that good parental relationships provide secure environments for your baby to thrive. In their book on ‘Our Sexuality’ Crooks and Baur observe that ‘securely attached adults seem to be best equipped to establish stable, satisfying relationships’.

However although the adult relationship is tentative and even obscure at times, the big token of our satisfaction may come from knowing that we are now a family and most significantly have a baby in common.

Having a new baby is also a time perhaps to reflect on those values that will ensure that there is a strong supportive environment in which you can all grow as a family.

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